Blog

It’s been a while…

The anti-depressants didn’t work. My doctor told me they think I’m depressed and anxious and I should seek a psychiatrist. My insurance is not the best, so finding someone affordable in my area hasn’t been helpful. Sure I have the option for an online doctor who wants $200 up front and multiple sessions or another doctor who wants $75 per online session, but can’t guarantee how quickly I can be diagnosed.

I never thought I would be here… frustrated knowing something is not right, but not being able to know… I’m forgetful with a lot of things, important things: dates, tasks, people. Even when I’m obsessed with something I can’t retain enough information about it to explain what it is or why I like it to people. I’ve been ridiculed for it for numerous reasons. Made to feel dumb.

I’ve been doing even more research lately. Watching videos from people talk about their mental health, diagnoses, their experiences in general. Everything is leading to ADHD. I know that sounds stupid to just assume, but there are more symptoms than the two things I mentioned that overlap with symptoms of ADHD in real people, not just textbooks.

I’m feeling overwhelmed in my own head because there’s so many things I want to do and I feel like I can’t. I don’t know if I’m looking for validation in my apparent executive dysfunction or an excuse. And I know that sounds dumb, but I am constantly feeling guilty… and that’s a whole mess on its own.

2 thoughts on “It’s been a while…

  1. You definitely aren’t stupid for looking for answers to what’s happening to you. Everyone starts with self diagnosing before they are diagnosed by a real doctor. It’s normal to search your symptoms and to try and figure out why things aren’t going the way they should be. I just told my psychologist yesterday that I think I may have ADHD as well and we’re going to talk about it over the next few sessions but I just want to let you know that everything you’re doing is completely normal. So don’t feel bad for trying to help yourself cope better and to heal. Take care. I hope you get answers soon.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s